The list itself is pretty disappointing by Onion standards, item number five however is genius...
Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World:(via kottke)
...According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings. "These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."
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